My life update: mother of 4.

So here I am again, such a delinquent when it comes to my posts... I've been so busy that I always forget.. but today I got my first ever fan email! Still #flattered... ha ha.. so that got me back to blogging. I promise after this "update post" I will go back to doing what I love to do, which is reviewing things and giving my suggestions and opinions about anything and everything. Kinda like the "top 10" girl, but not.

So anyway, update on my life... I am now a happy (and harassed, haha) mommy of 4! Here's an updated family photo:

So so very happy we have a semi-decent pic. This should hold up for a few months. haha. There's my 3 month old baby boy, Nico. So far, the fairest of them all!

That's it, pancit! Here's to more often posting (promise!).

A Mom's reflection on Mother's Day

I've been feeling kind of blue the past few days prior to yesterday (May 12), Mother's Day. It's that same feeling you get when your birthday is about to come up and you get the birthday blues. Never thought I would feel this way about yet another special occasion. Christmas and New Years since my Giovanni had passed was difficult enough... now I have to add Mother's day as well? :( Sigh. I guess it's just that feeling that I'm "less of a mom" since I lost one child. I can't explain, and I don't think I really fully want to understand either. I guess add that to the fact that I'm 7 months along (with raging hormones) and Giovnni's 2nd bday and 1st death anniversary is fast approaching as well. Overwhelming would probably be an understatement. Yet I do know that God does not give us challenges without giving us the graces to overcome it as well. I can only pray for much more grace and strength for the coming months. Don't even get me started on when D (as in Delivery) day comes.. have not processed that yet. I may be bawling the whole time.

I do understand that this blog might be a bit depressing to read.. sorry for that. :) Just need an outlet for everything. And maybe help other moms (or none moms) coping with something similar to get through each day. That's all we can do anyway, get through one day at a time.

I am not however, a grouch or a scrooge. I still do appreciate all the greetings, and most especially, my other 2 kids plus one more on the way. I would also like to share my mother's day message...

To my 4 greatest treasures, Santino, Ysabella, Giovanni & Baby Dominic, my life is infinitely blessed because of all of you. My biggest achievement in this lifetime is to be your mama. And to my angel Giovanni, I look forward to the day I will hold you in my arms once again. Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful, strong & hardworking moms out there. 

And to my ideal superwoman. A pillar of strength that my family and I can always lean on. Thank you for putting up w all my craziness (w/c are probably from u anyway) and for being just a constant presence in our family esp through the most difficult of times. For the unwavering support & unconditional love. I love you, mom!!!  

 

Faith works wonders.

I have not been updating this blog, well, because I guess I was finding an excuse to keep my self so busy that I would not have time to reflect or feel sad over my sweet Giovanni. It's been only 5 months but whenever I replay images of that day in August, it feels like only yesterday. Every emotion, moment and pain is so so real. I would give ANYTHING to get my baby back, but yet I know it is not God's plan for it to be so. How can I have such a positive outlook? Some people may say... to that I reply, what else should I believe in? It's true, you do find God in your lowest of low moments. I guess because He is the only one who can comfort your grief and your pain. To be honest, whenever I am in that "moment" where I recall and start sobbing, I force myself to focus on the fact that Giovanni is now where we all aim to be. He is in heaven with Jesus, Mary, the Saints and all our loved ones gone before. How can I compete with that? I know in my heart he is happy. I just wish I could be that happy as well. But I know my time will come. The perfect time when I will see my Giovanni again.

I know that some people can tend to get depressed whenever they read my posts, who wouldn't, right? haha and I'm sorry. But on to better news... I'm PREGNANT!!! Baby #4 is coming everybody!!

Baby #4 at only 3 months old in my womb

Santi and I along with the kids are OVER THE MOON. Some people say, "isn't it too soon?" to which I reply, when is God's blessing ever "too soon?" God truly knows when we are ready to receive blessings, and this new life is by far what our family (and extended family) needs. With baby comes blessings. Thank you everyone who are continuing to pray for us. I can only wish that Kuya Giovanni could be here physically to hug and kiss his future baby brother or sister (another exciting thing coming soon!!). But I do know that Giovanni is always here with us and always watching over us. I thank God for my little personal angel always looking out for me. :)

This year, our community (CFC-Foundation for Family and Life) has declared this 2013 to be the YEAR OF FAITH. When all these things happened in my life, I look at this declaration as God's promise to be fulfilled in our life. Hang on and have faith.

"All things work together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)" 

And not just the good things, but ALL things. I take this to heart because I trust in God's plan. I trust in Him despite the pain and suffering, through the hardships and the blessings, and because I trust, He will  not fail me. Through my faith, God will work wonders.