I have not been updating this blog, well, because I guess I was finding an excuse to keep my self so busy that I would not have time to reflect or feel sad over my sweet Giovanni. It's been only 5 months but whenever I replay images of that day in August, it feels like only yesterday. Every emotion, moment and pain is so so real. I would give ANYTHING to get my baby back, but yet I know it is not God's plan for it to be so. How can I have such a positive outlook? Some people may say... to that I reply, what else should I believe in? It's true, you do find God in your lowest of low moments. I guess because He is the only one who can comfort your grief and your pain. To be honest, whenever I am in that "moment" where I recall and start sobbing, I force myself to focus on the fact that Giovanni is now where we all aim to be. He is in heaven with Jesus, Mary, the Saints and all our loved ones gone before. How can I compete with that? I know in my heart he is happy. I just wish I could be that happy as well. But I know my time will come. The perfect time when I will see my Giovanni again.
I know that some people can tend to get depressed whenever they read my posts, who wouldn't, right? haha and I'm sorry. But on to better news... I'm PREGNANT!!! Baby #4 is coming everybody!!
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| Baby #4 at only 3 months old in my womb |
Santi and I along with the kids are OVER THE MOON. Some people say, "isn't it too soon?" to which I reply, when is God's blessing ever "too soon?" God truly knows when we are ready to receive blessings, and this new life is by far what our family (and extended family) needs. With baby comes blessings. Thank you everyone who are continuing to pray for us. I can only wish that Kuya Giovanni could be here physically to hug and kiss his future baby brother or sister (another exciting thing coming soon!!). But I do know that Giovanni is always here with us and always watching over us. I thank God for my little personal angel always looking out for me. :)
This year, our community (CFC-Foundation for Family and Life) has declared this 2013 to be the YEAR OF FAITH. When all these things happened in my life, I look at this declaration as God's promise to be fulfilled in our life. Hang on and have faith.
"All things work together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)"
And not just the good things, but ALL things. I take this to heart because I trust in God's plan. I trust in Him despite the pain and suffering, through the hardships and the blessings, and because I trust, He will not fail me. Through my faith, God will work wonders.
